there are no magic words.

This may be the first time I have ever posted anything concerning relationships. I am reluctant considering I have only been in two. However, as vastly different as these two relationships were, I learned so much from both of them. I could probably write a book about all that God has taught me just from these two relationships. But above all, there is one thing that I wish girls would learn. I have shared this one on one with a number of girls, so I figured it was time to put it into writing.

There are no magic words (or actions).

Here is what happens. We all have that one friend (or several) who tell their relationship story saying something along the lines of “I had finally decided to stop looking, and that’s when I met Mr. Right!” or “I realized that I just needed to focus on my relationship with God, and then I met Prince Charming a month later!” And so girls sigh and subconsciously think all I have to do is stop looking and focus on my relationship with God, and I’ll meet “the one.”

STOP!

If you decide to “stop looking” with the expectation of meeting “the one” shortly thereafter, you’re still looking.

If you say you are content with being single with expectation of eventually meeting “the one,” you’re not truly content.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

If you know your focus should be fixed on God but maintain the expectation that He will bring “the one” because of this, your focus is not on God.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know that God puts the desire to be married in the hearts of most girls, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But are you willing to surrender that desire? It is when we let the desire for a dating relationship or marriage consume us or allow it to have precedent over our pursuit of God that it becomes detrimental. I know the Bible says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psalm 37:4) But if you think that verse is about getting what you desire, you think amiss. That verse is about delighting yourself in the LORD who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you happiest. He knows who and what to bring into your life and when to bring it, because He created you. So surrender every dream to your Creator and let Him give you His best – your heart’s true desires.

The problem is that girls lie to themselves. They say they will stop looking, be content with singleness, and ultimately focus on their relationship with God, but all along they are torturing themselves with silly love songs, romantic movies, and sappy novels. To cease looking, to find contentment, and to fix your heart on Jesus Christ requires action. Saying these words with expectation simply makes the words meaningless. Live them.

Stop looking.

God has a unique plan for you, and in that plan He undoubtedly has much for you to accomplish. So get busy, and by default you will probably stop looking. Become more like Christ. Serve in ministry at your local church. Read something that will actually help you develop as a person. Develop God-given talents. The list of things you could be doing instead of looking for “the one” is virtually endless.

Be content.

God has blessed you with so much. If you can’t be content with what God has given you now, it is likely that you won’t be content when you find yourself in a relationship. Contentment is ultimately a choice, and I can’t tell you specific steps to follow in order to find contentment. Know this though, if you find that you feel like something is missing from your life, perhaps you should pursue wholeheartedly after Christ. “For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9,10) If you think a relationship will complete you, you are sorely mistaken. Completion and contentment are found in Christ alone.

Focus on your relationship with God.

There is nothing more important than your relationship with God. And guess what? When God does finally bring “the one” into your life, there is still nothing more important than your relationship with God. Never take your eyes off of Him. With such singular focus you will find peace, love, hope, joy, and so much more!

And it may be that as you walk your path, with your eyes on Christ, you cross paths with someone else who has his eyes on Christ, and in that moment you realize God has brought you two together for His purposes, to glorify Him. That is the kind of relationship you want. Settle for nothing less.

And for those days, when you feel your heart drifting and you wonder what God is doing (because they do come), here are two of my favorite verses:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:” ~ Isaiah 26:3,4

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those who trust Him wholly, find Him wholly true

from the moment that i wake up to the moment i pillow my head, i am constantly exercising levels of trust. i trust that my alarm clock will go off at the set time. i trust the electricity will work when i turn the lights on and plug in my blow dryer. i trust that neither my coffee nor my cereal have been poisoned. i trust that when i use my phone, my wireless service will work, and when i check the weather, i trust that it will be fairly accurate so that i may dress appropriately. i could go on with my entire day in which nearly every moment i place my trust in mankind and the things it has fabricated; however, that would be entirely too exhaustive, so i digress…

my point is, we – often without question – place blind trust in things and in faulty human beings, but when it comes to trusting God in heaven, the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, we tend to not as willingly place our trust in His design.

of this, i am sure. no man or woman who has ever wholly trusted the Lord – that means in every facet of his life – has ever regretted doing so. the Word of God is filled with promises ensuring those that trust Him will see His guidance and blessings.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ~ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Psalm 33:21 ~ For our heart shall rejoice in Him because we have trusted in His holy name.

Isaiah 26:4 ~ Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:

Nahum 1:7 ~ The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him.

Psalm 37:5 ~ Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

there are many more verses i could have included, but that would make for a lengthy post. i do want to also say that just because you live a life completely trusting in Him does not mean you will live a life free of pain or hurt. i think life would not really be life if we didn’t endure some heartache; you can be more grateful in the “good” times because you have endured the hard times. but trusting in Him, however, does guarantee strength and grace to get through those tough times.

not only is the Bible filled with hundreds of verses about the promises given to those who trust Him, but it is also filled with human examples. you can read the whole life story of Job – a man who had everything one day and nothing the next. he lost his financial resources, his family, his health, even his friends; and yet you can read Job 23:10 where he says, “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.“and do you know what happens in the end of the story? i’ll tell you what the Bible says, “…also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before… So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning…” wow! and then of course you can read the entire “hall of faith” in Hebrews 11… there is just so much, i don’t see how we could not trust Him.

so read His Word, see His promises, and prove God in your own life!