there are no magic words.

This may be the first time I have ever posted anything concerning relationships. I am reluctant considering I have only been in two. However, as vastly different as these two relationships were, I learned so much from both of them. I could probably write a book about all that God has taught me just from these two relationships. But above all, there is one thing that I wish girls would learn. I have shared this one on one with a number of girls, so I figured it was time to put it into writing.

There are no magic words (or actions).

Here is what happens. We all have that one friend (or several) who tell their relationship story saying something along the lines of “I had finally decided to stop looking, and that’s when I met Mr. Right!” or “I realized that I just needed to focus on my relationship with God, and then I met Prince Charming a month later!” And so girls sigh and subconsciously think all I have to do is stop looking and focus on my relationship with God, and I’ll meet “the one.”


If you decide to “stop looking” with the expectation of meeting “the one” shortly thereafter, you’re still looking.

If you say you are content with being single with expectation of eventually meeting “the one,” you’re not truly content.


If you know your focus should be fixed on God but maintain the expectation that He will bring “the one” because of this, your focus is not on God.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know that God puts the desire to be married in the hearts of most girls, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But are you willing to surrender that desire? It is when we let the desire for a dating relationship or marriage consume us or allow it to have precedent over our pursuit of God that it becomes detrimental. I know the Bible says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psalm 37:4) But if you think that verse is about getting what you desire, you think amiss. That verse is about delighting yourself in the LORD who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you happiest. He knows who and what to bring into your life and when to bring it, because He created you. So surrender every dream to your Creator and let Him give you His best – your heart’s true desires.

The problem is that girls lie to themselves. They say they will stop looking, be content with singleness, and ultimately focus on their relationship with God, but all along they are torturing themselves with silly love songs, romantic movies, and sappy novels. To cease looking, to find contentment, and to fix your heart on Jesus Christ requires action. Saying these words with expectation simply makes the words meaningless. Live them.

Stop looking.

God has a unique plan for you, and in that plan He undoubtedly has much for you to accomplish. So get busy, and by default you will probably stop looking. Become more like Christ. Serve in ministry at your local church. Read something that will actually help you develop as a person. Develop God-given talents. The list of things you could be doing instead of looking for “the one” is virtually endless.

Be content.

God has blessed you with so much. If you can’t be content with what God has given you now, it is likely that you won’t be content when you find yourself in a relationship. Contentment is ultimately a choice, and I can’t tell you specific steps to follow in order to find contentment. Know this though, if you find that you feel like something is missing from your life, perhaps you should pursue wholeheartedly after Christ. “For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9,10) If you think a relationship will complete you, you are sorely mistaken. Completion and contentment are found in Christ alone.

Focus on your relationship with God.

There is nothing more important than your relationship with God. And guess what? When God does finally bring “the one” into your life, there is still¬†nothing more important than your relationship with God. Never take your eyes off of Him. With such singular focus you will find peace, love, hope, joy, and so much more!

And it may be that as you walk your path, with your eyes on Christ, you cross paths with someone else who has his eyes on Christ, and in that moment you realize God has brought you two together for His purposes, to glorify Him. That is the kind of relationship you want. Settle for nothing less.

And for those days, when you feel your heart drifting and you wonder what God is doing (because they do come), here are two of my favorite verses:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:” ~¬†Isaiah 26:3,4