there are no magic words.

This may be the first time I have ever posted anything concerning relationships. I am reluctant considering I have only been in two. However, as vastly different as these two relationships were, I learned so much from both of them. I could probably write a book about all that God has taught me just from these two relationships. But above all, there is one thing that I wish girls would learn. I have shared this one on one with a number of girls, so I figured it was time to put it into writing.

There are no magic words (or actions).

Here is what happens. We all have that one friend (or several) who tell their relationship story saying something along the lines of “I had finally decided to stop looking, and that’s when I met Mr. Right!” or “I realized that I just needed to focus on my relationship with God, and then I met Prince Charming a month later!” And so girls sigh and subconsciously think all I have to do is stop looking and focus on my relationship with God, and I’ll meet “the one.”

STOP!

If you decide to “stop looking” with the expectation of meeting “the one” shortly thereafter, you’re still looking.

If you say you are content with being single with expectation of eventually meeting “the one,” you’re not truly content.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

If you know your focus should be fixed on God but maintain the expectation that He will bring “the one” because of this, your focus is not on God.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know that God puts the desire to be married in the hearts of most girls, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But are you willing to surrender that desire? It is when we let the desire for a dating relationship or marriage consume us or allow it to have precedent over our pursuit of God that it becomes detrimental. I know the Bible says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” (Psalm 37:4) But if you think that verse is about getting what you desire, you think amiss. That verse is about delighting yourself in the LORD who knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you happiest. He knows who and what to bring into your life and when to bring it, because He created you. So surrender every dream to your Creator and let Him give you His best – your heart’s true desires.

The problem is that girls lie to themselves. They say they will stop looking, be content with singleness, and ultimately focus on their relationship with God, but all along they are torturing themselves with silly love songs, romantic movies, and sappy novels. To cease looking, to find contentment, and to fix your heart on Jesus Christ requires action. Saying these words with expectation simply makes the words meaningless. Live them.

Stop looking.

God has a unique plan for you, and in that plan He undoubtedly has much for you to accomplish. So get busy, and by default you will probably stop looking. Become more like Christ. Serve in ministry at your local church. Read something that will actually help you develop as a person. Develop God-given talents. The list of things you could be doing instead of looking for “the one” is virtually endless.

Be content.

God has blessed you with so much. If you can’t be content with what God has given you now, it is likely that you won’t be content when you find yourself in a relationship. Contentment is ultimately a choice, and I can’t tell you specific steps to follow in order to find contentment. Know this though, if you find that you feel like something is missing from your life, perhaps you should pursue wholeheartedly after Christ. “For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9,10) If you think a relationship will complete you, you are sorely mistaken. Completion and contentment are found in Christ alone.

Focus on your relationship with God.

There is nothing more important than your relationship with God. And guess what? When God does finally bring “the one” into your life, there is still nothing more important than your relationship with God. Never take your eyes off of Him. With such singular focus you will find peace, love, hope, joy, and so much more!

And it may be that as you walk your path, with your eyes on Christ, you cross paths with someone else who has his eyes on Christ, and in that moment you realize God has brought you two together for His purposes, to glorify Him. That is the kind of relationship you want. Settle for nothing less.

And for those days, when you feel your heart drifting and you wonder what God is doing (because they do come), here are two of my favorite verses:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:” ~ Isaiah 26:3,4

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for restless hearts

Jeremiah 2:28 – But where are thy gods that thou hast made thee? let them arise, if they can save thee in the time of thy trouble: for according to the number of thy cities are they gods, O Judah.

The children of Israel had forsaken the one true God for a number of false gods. They were to be judged – taken into captivity. The question in this verse is then asked, and the answer is obvious. None of their other “gods” can save them.

Today, Christians often forsake their God, the same God of Israel who sent His Son to pay the punishment for our sins. 1 John 4:24 says, “Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” It seems, however, that we tend to forget what He did, and we allow false gods to steal our worship. These gods are not objectified as miniature idols or relics, but rather as beauty, relationships, knowledge, materials, wealth, or power. But when the darkest of times come and you don’t know what to do and you seemingly have no answers, will your looks save you? Will your closest friends and family truly be able to help you? Will your education get you out of trouble? Will your wealth buy you a solution? Will power protect you? None of these things are guaranteed. None of these things give you the security or the answers that are found in God and His Word.

Pursue Him and everything else falls into its rightful place. You see yourself as God sees you –  that you are created specifically by Him and He has a special plan for you. You learn that He is your closest friend and knows you better than you know yourself. You find that all the knowledge in this world cannot compare to the wisdom found in the Word of God. You discover that the things of this world don’t matter for they will pass away. You choose to lay up treasure in heaven that are incorruptible. You pursue the eternal over the temporary. You realize that all the power in the world is still in His control for He is omniscient and omnipotent.

So make Him the center of your life. Focus solely on Him and His plan for you. There is no greater happiness and no greater peace found when you choose to love Him and worship Him. Interestingly, one of the primary themes of 1 John is love. In chapter five, verse three it says, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments…” Near the end of the chapter (and book) you find, “And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true…” Then the very last verse of the entire book says this:

Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen.

It’s almost as if you will never love God or truly know Him if you put anything before Him.

Place Jesus Christ above all. Love Him. Know Him. Worship Him.